Thursday, March 1, 2012
Isn't it crazy how God can take what a 1 year old does and teach us something really insightful...or slap us in the face! I find this to be true all too often. My daughters are very impatient. Of course most children are! "I watch Strawberry shortcake...Mama, I watch Strawberry Shortcake...MAMA I WATCH STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE!!!" It goes on all day with various demands. As if that is not enough, I have Ember with her famous "GGGRRRR!! Gaga Mama Dadadadada GGGGRRRRR!!!" In the end I explain, "Mackenzie what do you say?....Mackenzie....say please??" "Yeah, Please!" It is pretty comical, but some days I feel like the demands are so great and I would like to just say no to all of them just because and can! Yesterday afternoon was no exception. Both girls wanted juice, which happens very often in a typical day. I heard the adorable little voice "mama, Juice?" So I finish what I am doing and in the time it took me to finish I heard it probably 3 more times. Walking to the kitchen, Ember decides she wants in on it so I continue while an animal is hanging from my pant leg, growling with anticipation. What made me laugh was the fact that Mac was getting more and more heated; very concerned that although I had promised her I was getting her juice and I had never just completely ignored her in the past, I was not going to give her this request that she was asking. That somehow I had forgotten even though I was in the kitchen, with the cup in my hand and juice out of the fridge! I laughed but also was so frustrated at the impatience! Ember still hanging and whaling with huge tears falling like someone had cut a limb from her body and left her to die, Mackenzie saying "Mamma JUICE" Over and over and over never relenting and in a panic I felt a small voice in me say "they sound like you in your relationship with Me!" What?? No way, they are acting foolish! I am in the middle of taking care of their need and they are still complaining and yelling at me....OH, never mind! Pretty embarrassing but so true. Wow, so often in my life and in my prayers I need something so bad. Its not always material things and most the time it is something I know God wants for me but I don't see it happening and I start to panic. Maybe he is not hearing me. Maybe I did not ask enough. Maybe He did not understand what I was asking. "God, please get us back on track with our finances. God, please give my husband a job he can be proud of and that will fulfill his dreams. Father, please answer this...answer that." While I'm Saying "please, please please" He is in the middle of making it happen but I am so caught up in what I want and what I need that I can't even see what He is working on! Oh it is obvious sometimes. Just like the cup in my hand and the juice on the counter, He is laying out all of the steps but I am so blinded by my worry, panic and fears. "Be still and know..." He tells me. What a calming Father He is! Thank you for another lesson from my sweet gifts of joy!
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Astonishing her teachers already before she was even a year old, walking at 11 months! This girl's is going places and just like the day she was born no one is stopping her! Ember is full of life, full of fire! Everyone who knows her has already been touched by her smile and joy in some way. I am so blessed to be given this miracle to hold and love and train. Some days I feel so inadequate, so lost, so unfit for this job. It is in those times she welcomes me each morning with a HUGE smile and a strong gripping hug. Her happiness is contagious and her energy fills our home with giggles and ear reaching smiles. I am blessed to be given such an important job. Mom is the greatest name I will ever know!
Today we celebrated Ember and Norah's (Ember's cousin) birthday! It was so much fun and she enjoyed every bit of it, especially showing off her new walking skills!
She was given so many great gifts and even though she had other places to go and things to see, which is so typical for Ember, she stuck around to see what she got!
Cake time was fun, as at any 1st birthday party, but I truly enjoyed seeing the strategy she chose in consuming such a sugary substance!
She began with her hands in the full cake but as she realized there were fruit loops around it I saw her clever wheels turning and she chose to eat each one individually!
Cousin Norah also was interested in her fruit loops ...
And once again, something that so much love, time and manual labor went into to make a beautiful creation ....was destroyed in minutes...
And so worth it!! I could not have asked for a better first birthday party for my angel. She is tremendously loved and today I enjoyed watching that love all around her.
I knew the party was a success by her reaction on our way home!
To our growling, fiery animal, Ember Noel, thank you for the best year of your mommy's life. Being home with you and your sister this year has been a dream come true. Watching you learn so many things has been a treat! Holding you while you sleep (cause you can't sit still any other time!) and watching every feature of your sweet face makes me cry each time and thank God for making you and choosing me to give you a special life here on earth. Your eyes will always fill my heart with wonder and your smile will always fill my days with sunshine. You are a firework....Don't ever stop filling peoples life with your joy and light! I love you!
Monday, February 6, 2012
Their words were so helpful but this was something I was still going to have to trust God with.
Mackenzie feels loved! Mackenzie is loved now by not only 2 people but 3! Mackenzie feels important. She is a big sister and the older Ember gets the more I see my Big sister see her importance in the life of her little sister! Most of all Mackenzie did not get the raw end of the deal! She has a friend that will walk with her through hard times. A companion that will laugh with her through late hours of the night. A girlfriend she can share stories with about boys and school and girls that make her furious. She has a SISTER and in less than two days I will celebrate the day that God let me watch this adventure begin!
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Have you ever got to about 10 AM and thought " I want a do over"?! I don't even know why I am asking this. Of course you have! I'm sure most of the people who read my blog are mothers or wives and let's face it, we feel this way often. This week I have had that feeling and said those words more often than I would hope to. I mean I know that I'm not going to get it right every day. Mama said "they'll be days like this", right?!? But why do they leave me feeling so helpless inside. On these days I feel the silly little child in me come out with her arms crossed, head hanging and eyes puffy with tears. Part of me is mad. "Come on God, just when things were going according to MY plans and then you through me a curve ball??" There is another part of me that is frustrated. "Really Mackenzie?? How many times are you going to ask 'What's that Momma?' You know it is Tinkerbell!!" I just want to grab my blanket and my pillow and lock the door and pretend there is no one on the other side of the door banging and saying " more juice momma, go potty momma, what's that momma!" Of course there is the main emotion I think us as women know all too well on days like these. That would be that begrudge feeling of guilt. As I am yelling at both of my precious, innocent girls (yes yelling!) one more time it hits me. What am I doing? I only have 2 more hours of my day with them and what have I spent it doing? It began with the growl at Mackenzie when she came in too early asking to go potty, the total grief I gave my hard working husband when he came in with news that didn't quite fit the plan I had in mind, the constant disgust I built up against my dirty hardwood floors that yelled "clean me" every step I took (I may have imagined that one up on my own). Oh and lets not forget the time spent feeling sorry for myself because I had to scarf down my leftover pizza and the many other things I let the devil plant in my mind about my life and circumstances. On days like these I spend too much time on my phone playing on p interest, checking Facebook or trying to feel important on Instagram. It was at 6:30 tonight that I realized " I will never get this day back with my girls, with my husband, with myself....with God"! As I finished dinner we ate and then I joined my hyperactive girls on the living room floor; one with a split lip because she decided to jump out of her crib cause shes just that crazy, and the other with her Snow white song twirling off of her tongue and heart, and we just played. Yes, the kitchen was a MESS, all the food was still out. They were not dressed for bed yet and Mac really needed a bath but we still just played. I let them climb all over me, I giggled at pointless things, I was their human amusement park. They loved that last hour! I loved that last hour! I will still never get the first 3/4 of my day back, I can't get back the times today I raised my voice in instances that were not stress worthy. Of course my floors are still dirty and even though we discussed it and I apologized my husband can not wipe from his mind my unsupportive attitude towards him that I had this morning, but somehow after letting go for the last hour of the girls evening and choosing to embrace their little giggles and wiggling toes that all too soon will be spent with someone other than me on a Thursday night, I feel so much more complete. I am not a perfect mother, I can never begin to be a wife suitable to give advice on how this thing called love and marriage works, and please, know that my relationship with God is an ever growing process, but I'm working on it and to my family, my God and myself I think that's what makes all the difference. So, the answer to my do-over can not come true but I go to bed with a happy heart and a family full of love!
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Tonight was spaghetti night and I thought I might share my little ingredient that makes my recipe fabulous...or at least to my family! ZESTY ITALIAN DRESSING. I bought this dressing for another recipe and it was so good I thought I would try a little in my spaghetti sauce. Man, it gave it just the right taste! Go ahead, try it...